filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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