I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
