it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Still dying that you shit outside
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
