Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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