I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
