Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just high enough for therapy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
