My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
