Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
