Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
