operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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