When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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