I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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