Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
