You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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