So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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