guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
