I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
