Banned from zoo.
Again?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
