omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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