Pappa wants mamma naked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
