i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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