she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
