She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
