We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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