I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
