and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
