Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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