what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
