guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think a kid would responsible me up
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
