I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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