I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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