Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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