party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
