I haven't been this sober since birth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
