I'm going to jail i love you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All the doctor said was why
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
