I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
