Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
