She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
