so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
