Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
