No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
