I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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