i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How's work?
Spinning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
