i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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