big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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