y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
