she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
