good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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