i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need water and some morals
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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