The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what day is it and did you see me today?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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